“She wore flowers in her hair and carried magic secrets in her eyes. She spoke to no one. She spent hours on the riverbank. She smoked cigarettes and had midnight swims…”
― Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things
Originally, I was going to write this blog to give you educational information. I am going to do that, but I am also going to give you a part of me too. To explain how I got to where I am, you need to know the background story, and that obviously involves me. About me, the choices I made, the influences on my choices and who and what influences me.
I’m also going to talk about surviving in the modern day, in business, on social media and in our minds.
Nothing is perfect. Nobody is perfect and no situation is ideal. I urge you to stop comparing yourself to anybody but yourself. Put yourself first, believe in yourself and stop being so hard on yourself.
For 23 years, I blamed myself for my parents splitting up. I didn’t understand love, I wasn’t shown how to love, not sure I even actually felt love- not towards humans anyway.
Don’t get me wrong, I felt that “first lust” love, the “love movie” love – but that’s not real love. This confused me for 15 years, it was one of the worst things I ever put myself through. I broke his heart, or at the time, he thought I did – who knows. I could and wouldn’t forgive myself, I felt so so guilty. I allowed myself to be in a position that was only damaging me in the present and in the long run. Although I fully knew this, I allowed it and was okay with it, because this was my way of punishing myself. 15 years I let this happen, why? Because none of us know what we are doing. We aren’t taught to never feel guilty for a choice or decision we make. It’s that simple.
Growing up, I never felt good enough. Not sure I ever was or am good enough for my mum. She had post natal depression when I was born and I laugh and joke that she never liked me since, but the truth is, she probably doesn’t. That took me 30 years to come to terms with, and I thought I was a quick learner! Although now we only talk regarding Harper, I actually feel a huge sense of relief and freedom. The top and bottom of it is, we are all just humans, family or not, and not everyone clicks. Once I learnt to detach myself from the expectations of “family” it became so easy. She is just a human. The sooner we all let go of what is “normal” and what is “expected” the better. Take things, people, opinions, judgements, love, experiences for what they are, not for what you expected them to be.
Anyone ever read the book “Becky Bananas, this is your life?” it’s a series of diary entries written by Becky, she is 11, lives with her mum and little brother, has an uncle Eddy and talks about her great ambitions: to visit the world famous “Wonderland” Theme Park, to star on the TV programme, “This is Your Life,” to become a famous dancer and to be 12. ¾ of the way through the book, we find out Becky has Leukaemia. Several chapters later, without warning, you turn the page and read that unfortunately that’s the end of Beckys story – she died of her leukaemia. This hit me so hard. I read this book in year 6, I was 11. 6 months later I was diagnosed with leukaemia. I lived with my mum and little brother and have an uncle Eddy. My Nanna always told me to keep a diary whilst I was ill, however I couldn’t sit up for half of it, let alone write a diary.
What I am getting at is, we are products of our surroundings and environment. We need to pay attention to the things we read, see, scroll past, listen to, eat, drink and people we sit with. Manifestations and the subconscious mind is an actual thing. Empaths are an actual thing. Absolutely. Call Becky Bananas a huge co-incidence, but that’s just the start of it.